differences
by jade isabelle
Summary: "Kurt, I need to talk to you," he says, his voice barely more than a whisper and cracking on the last syllable. -blaine mpreg.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: This story contains mpreg.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. **

The apartment building is worn down but that doesn't bother them. What bothers them is that nothing feels new, nothing feels right. The paint colors they'd chosen. Their furniture. Their photographs and bed sheets.

It's been eight months since the wedding, seven months since they moved in. Four and a half years since they met.

They were having trouble adjusting and it didn't help that their neighbors weren't the most friendly towards them. They'd never been outright rude, but both Kurt and Blaine knew that having gay neighbors who had particularly loud sex was not something they enjoyed.

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Leaves are falling and the ground is damp but the air is cool and the weather reports are calling for snow any day now.

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Kurt can see that the bathroom light is on even as he steps into their first floor apartment. He can hear Blaine fumbling with something—

"Shit," Blaine whispers. "No, no, no," he pleads frantically.

Kurt stops, steps from the bathroom door, heart racing. "Blaine?" he calls.

Blaine freezes. "Kurt?"

Kurt can hear the panic in Blaine's voice and shuffling feet.

There is silence for a moment in which both boy hardly dares to breathe.

Kurt backs away from the door slowly and closes his eyes.

Blaine sinks against the bathroom door, feet sliding out in front of him. "Kurt, I need to talk to you," he says, his voice barely more than a whisper and cracking on the last syllable.

Kurt breathes in deeply, sitting down against the bathroom door, feet sprawled out in front of him, mirroring his husband's position on the other side of the door. "I'm right here, babe."

Blaine takes in a shaky breath. "Kurt, I'm pregnant. Fucking pregnant," he says, letting his head fall against the bathroom door, maybe more forcefully than he'd intended.

Kurt feels everything stop, and his entire body seems to go numb.

"I was...going to go see a doctor...to be sure before I said anything," he says and Kurt feels his heart breaking as Blaine continues. "I just...I didn't want to worry you," he says desperately.

Kurt opens his mouth and then closes it. He doesn't quite know what to say. "Blaine, can we talk about this face-to-face?" Kurt asks, swallowing down his fear to the best of his ability.

He hears Blaine take a shuddering breath. Kurt stands, leaning heavily against the door. Without it, he's not sure he would be standing. "Love, you can talk to me. I'm not judging you. You can trust me. We'll figure this out, I promise," he says with as much confidence as he can muster.

Blaine sniffles loudly. "I just...I don't know what to do, Kurt. I can't do this."

"Babe, come out here. I want to talk to you. I don't think this is something we can do from different rooms. It—doesn't feel right."

Kurt hears as the bathroom door unlocks and Blaine walks out slowly, silently wiping tears from his cheeks. Kurt's hands shake slightly as he grabs a handful of tissues from the table next to the couch and then takes a seat next to his husband.

Kurt watches Blaine carefully before looking away, hoping he would find the right words.

"First," he starts after a minute, "I want you to know that we're going to figure this out. We're going to be okay. Take my hand for a second, okay? Take a deep breath."

Blaine closes his eyes, inhaling deeply and squeezing Kurt's hand like his life depended on it. His eyes flutter open seconds later.

Kurt purses his lips as Blaine composes himself further. "We knew...it could happen."

Blaine nods slowly, like his head and thoughts are weighing him down. "I just never thought it would become a problem. The doctor told me when I found out that...even with the gene—" he shudders involuntarily— "it was still rare. This wasn't supposed to happen," he whispers, shaking his head desperately, like that was all it would take for the problem to disappear.

He's crying again, Kurt notices, but Blaine ignores it, refusing to wipe the tears staining his own face. "It was supposed to just be you and me and all the time in the world."

Kurt laughs weakly. "Babe, just because we're having a baby doesn't mean it won't be you and me for the rest of our lives, you know?"

Blaine nods heavily. "But what are we going to do with a baby?" He asks hesitantly, fearfully.

Kurt stares intently at his husband. "You don't—you don't want a baby, do you?"

Blaine breathes out deeply, like he's relieved that the question came up because he was too afraid to bring it up himself. "I have no idea," he says shakily. "Not like this, anyway. I always thought that when we were ready...we would adopt or maybe use a surrogate. I don't know, Kurt. It was just supposed to be different."

Kurt looks at him sadly. "Different isn't always a bad thing, is it?"

Blaine closes his eyes like he's preparing his next words. "I...love you, Kurt. I love you. But we're... we're not ready for this," he says, shaking his head. "We're not ready to have a baby. _I'm_ not ready," he whispers.

"No one is," comes the response. "but just because we weren't expecting this," Kurt says motioning towards Blaine's still-flat stomach— "that doesn't mean we aren't going to be ready when the time comes. We'll get there," he says squeezing Blaine's hand again. "We'll get there."

Blaine nods. He just wants the conversation to be over. "Okay," he whispers.

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He looks at each of the sonograms in turn.

"We should frame them," Kurt says, hooking his arm around Blaine's. Kurt watches as a small smile appears on Blaine's lips and he nods without a word.

He hasn't spoken much since they found out and Kurt can't quite figure out why.

"You're happy, aren't you babe?" Kurt asks as they continue their walk up to their apartment.

"Of course," comes the reply. Blaine leans over, kissing his husband chastely on the cheek. "Of course."

But when the light turns off at night, he dreams of what he would say if he told Kurt the truth.

**This was not the ending I'd originally intended, but when I got into it, this was the result. Reviews would be appreciated! Thanks guys :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own glee.**

**Warning: This story contains mpreg.**

Blaine walks past the apartment three times before walking in. He's been waiting for this, waiting to talk to Kurt about how he feels.

He's paced the apartment more times than he can count over the past few weeks, thinking over how he wants to tell Kurt the truth.

He doesn't want the baby, still doesn't feel ready. He wants to look into adoption agencies.

/-/

He kisses Kurt when he walks into the tiny apartment. Kurt's lips don't taste the same, or maybe it's the baby that's messing him up, but it doesn't feel right. Instead it feels robotic to be kissing back, to let his tongue slide between Kurt's lips.

They don't talk much over dinner, and when they do, it feels forced. Blaine can feel his husband watching him, but he avoids Kurt's gaze. He's not ready yet.

He slips into a slow depression as the pregnancy continues. He thinks Kurt knows how he feels and he isn't sure why Kurt hasn't said anything.

Sometimes he wishes the words could fall out of his mouth, so he wouldn't have to think about it anymore.

/-/

"Blaine, sweetheart, are you alright?"

Blaine looks up slowly before responding quietly, "Fine, babe. Just tired."

He tries to smile, but doesn't think it comes out quite right. "I'll go to bed earlier tonight." He hopes to fall asleep before Kurt comes to bed.

He thinks about leaving Kurt but can't decide how that would solve anything. It's the baby that's causing him problems but he can't tell Kurt that he doesn't want to go through with it.

He loves their tiny apartment. He loves Kurt. Still, he loves the feeling he gets when Kurt leaves in the morning and he can be alone with his thoughts until he gets home. Sometimes, he thanks God or whatever all-knowing being is up there, that his doctor wants him home, off his feet.

He leaves the apartment during the day when he feels like he's been staring at walls for too long and the days just start blending together. He doesn't tell Kurt.

He doesn't tell Kurt anything anymore. He only speaks when Kurt initiates the conversation, only accepts Kurt's warmth occasionally. It's like he doesn't know how to live anymore.

/-/

He lays awake, acutely aware of Kurt's presence next to him. He stares at the popcorn ceiling above him, breathing slowly, his hands on his growing stomach.

He slides out of bed, careful not to wake Kurt. He reaches the kitchen and takes out a glass. He fills it at the tap, watching the water run.

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He rehearses during the day, out loud, everything he wants to tell Kurt.

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He clears his throat over dinner the night he's officially four months along. Kurt looks up, surprised. Blaine feels Kurt's eyes on him, but he refuses to look. He's afraid that, if he looks, he would only find disappointment staring back.

"Babe?" Kurt says, his voice clear, curious.

At the sound of his husband's voice, Blaine caves. He stares directly at his worried husband. He takes a frantic breath in. "It's nothing," he whispers, tearing his eyes away from Kurt's.

He allows the silence to engulf them, and it takes a minute for him to gather the courage to look up again.

Kurt's expression is the same as it was before, but Blaine can sense his disappointment.

When he can no longer stand it, Blaine stands, clears his plate, and leaves the room.

**A/N: Okay, so I had no intention of continuing this but then I realized how incomplete it felt. I wanted to find out what happened too. So, I have it planned out. It's going to be one more chapter after this one. Hopefully this one answered some things. Don't forget to Review!**

**Thanks!**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.

Warning: This story contains mpreg.

He peers into the second bedroom one day, while Kurt's not home. The room is empty, except for the paint tarp on the floor. The walls are half painted a soft yellow; the rest is still an ugly taupe color.

He steps into the room slowly, trying not to breathe in the toxic smell of paint. The yellow is cheerful, exactly how it should be, he thinks.

He lets out a long breath; it's getting harder to keep things from Kurt.

The apartment is silent except for the footsteps on the floor above their own. He wishes it would stop, that everything would stop, at least until he figures everything out.

He reaches out, running his fingers along the drying paint. It smears slightly, leaving his fingerprints behind, but he doesn't care.

He wonders if they'll repaint once he tells Kurt he doesn't want the baby. He wonders if Kurt would even want to.

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Blaine watches as Kurt sets his keys on the table. He feels like he's done this all too often lately.

"Blaine?" Kurt asks, putting his coat on the arm of the chair facing the television. "Babe?"

Blaine pulls out a chair. "Kurt, can we talk? I need to talk to you about something."

He feels like he's talking circles but he's too anxious to do anything about it.

He watches as Kurt's eyes immediately turn sad; he wonders if Kurt knows what's coming.

Kurt walks over to the table slowly and gingerly takes a seat. He looks up and the two men make eye contact. Blaine looks away quickly.

"You don't want the baby, do you?" Kurt asks softly, reaching across the table to take Blaine's right hand in his own. His voice shakes as he says it, but it gives Blaine the confidence to tell Kurt everything.

Blaine swallows hard, shakes his head slowly. "I've...I've been trying to tell you, Kurt. You've just seemed so happy...since we found out. Babe, I really want you to be happy."

He takes a breath, holds it for a few seconds before letting it out. He glances up at his husband. He's not sure how to read Kurt's face.

"Kurt..." he whispers.

Kurt's lips are pursed, like if he tried to speak, he wouldn't be able to.

"This has been hard for you, hasn't it?" Kurt starts, and Blaine nods even though he isn't sure why Kurt's saying this. "And I could see that you were...struggling," he hesitates, before looking up. His voice isn't shaking anymore, Blaine notices. Instead, it just sounds sad.

Blaine nods again. "I didn't let you in. You can't blame yourself for this."

Blaine watches as Kurt tries to come up the right words.

"You were slipping, and I can't say I didn't see it happening because I did. But I didn't think...I didn't think it was anything more than hormones." He stops to look at Blaine.

"Kurt, I was only slipping because I...I would think about having this conversation with you and I would just...shudder. I couldn't sleep if I thought about it too much. I didn't know how you would react, but I certainly didn't think you would blame yourself." He pauses. "Because that's worse than anything I could've come up with."

He isn't quite sure where this anger is coming from, but it surges through him, and he can't get rid of it.

"But you tried to tell me and then you left it alone even though you were upset. So, we're both at fault, can we leave it at that?"

Blaine stares, blinks twice. "Fine," he says finally. "But only if we can put this—" he gestures between the two of them— "behind us."

Kurt nods slowly. "Yeah," he says. "But what about the baby?" he whispers, glancing toward Blaine's stomach.

"I don't— Kurt, we aren't ready," he repeats, slipping his hand out of Kurt's. "I mean, we only got married a few months ago. We're not ready to have a family, to raise a baby. A few years down the road, maybe, but...not now."

Kurt nods again. "I got really excited when you told me," he says, smiling and it breaks Blaine's heart just a little bit more. "But I think you're right," he says, his voice turning lower. "I think I got ahead of myself, thinking we could do this now..." His voice trails off, leaving them in heavy silence. "I've been thinking about it lately, too, about not being ready," he says in a rush.

Blaine feels relief rush through him. They're on the same page.

"I've been...looking into adoption agencies," Blaine whispers. "I didn't want to before I talked to you about it, but I didn't think I would have the courage to talk to you unless I shocked myself into it. That's kind of what I needed."

Kurt smiles at his husband's shy confession. It doesn't feel perfect, but for right now, it feels okay.

**A/N: I'm not sure I'm completely happy with this ending, but I think it's as good as it's going to get. Reviews would be appreciated, as this is the last chapter. And thanks to everyone who's Favorited and Followed.**


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